Well, it’s over! I am sitting here thinking of what to write, and more importantly what to confess.In full disclosure I didn’t finish, I only got to day 17. I did intend to catch up, but I never got a chance, I kept falling behind, thinking tomorrow that I would but never did.
This was my first Inktober. I was excited by it, making sure that I had all my stuff together to participate. I didn’t do strictly ink, I used watercolor as well. I wanted to do the spirit of the challenge. I wrote a post on my Instagram page, not everything, most though. I did try to follow the “official prompts” and did so for every day except for one.
Besides the never-ending fear of catching up, I felt the pull of not feeling good enough. What does that mean? I don’t know. Maybe I do.
I realize in writing this blog post that I don’t need to explain anything as to why I didn’t finish or to justify it. I think with any self-challenge it’s good on a personal level for self-reflection. It’s good to understand, but not judge, the process, or “your” process.
A process that’s the important part. I haven’t found this easy, in fact, I often sabotage the process, because — of tons of reasons. It’s not my lack of knowing how to create a process, after all, I am a trained Instructional Designer, avid Bullet Journalist, journaling enthusiast, blogger, etc… I know how to create a process – -But staying with it, that’s my problem.
Sure, I can follow through with a process for work, for things that are other than, well, for me it can be difficult. The idea of perfection, that you must complete something before moving on, or even the shame of failure. The culprits, of course, are the common ideas like; finish your dinner, that or this person is better, make sure you get it right, there can be only one, and if I might, my favorite, you don’t have the talent (not, really favorite, but something I use)… These all interfere with the process, interfering with self-regulation, knowledge of self, and confidence.
So how did I end up not finishing Inktober? Or for that matter how does all this come together, and what have I learned on this journey?
A lot actually.
Letting go of the baggage.
That’s the rub. To throw off those things that are learned over a lifetime.
It’s okay that I didn’t finish because the challenge was to improve, and I think I did. I actually have one that I really do like.
Lesson learned for the next challenge? Simple, well maybe not so simple. The Challenge is for you, and you can determine the rules. It’s okay to leave the challenge when you feel that it’s putting pressure on you because this should be fun.